


Pillow Drift

by theskywasblue



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: First Time, M/M, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-09
Updated: 2010-07-09
Packaged: 2017-10-10 11:39:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/99322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theskywasblue/pseuds/theskywasblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things never change, even when they do</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pillow Drift

**Author's Note:**

  * For [7veilsphaedra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/7veilsphaedra/gifts).



> Originally written for the [yuletide_smut](http://community.livejournal.com/yuletide_smut/) giftfic exchange 2008.

_They've been drinking, too much maybe, and laughing, hard enough that Gojyo's face aches._

He's never seen Hakkai's face lit up so bright, his green eyes sparkling with unshed tears of delight, panting in the cool night air as he struggles to catch his breath between fits of laughter.

Gojyo can't even remember the joke, honestly. But it doesn't matter, because Hakkai's hair is just a little mussed and his jacket is open, even the collar of his shirt is open underneath, showing a long stripe of pale throat-flesh, intensely pale in the semi-darkness.

Gojyo reaches out and runs his fingers over that skin, because hell, it's there, and it's just as soft and smooth and warm as he imagined.

But suddenly, Hakkai isn't laughing anymore. His tongue is sliding over his lips, wet and fiercely pink - not delicate, nothing about Hakkai could ever really be delicate - and his green eyes are catching amber sparks from the street lamps.

He looks...Gojyo doesn't even have the right words for it; but damn, Hakkai doesn't look anything like Gojyo can remember having seen before.

Hakkai reaches up and almost tentatively curls his fingers in the front of Gojyo's jacket, looking for a moment like he's going to tug the edges together and tell him to zip up because it's cold; then he licks his lips again (they'll get chapped, Gojyo thinks for a moment, then they won't be as soft as they look, which would be a damn shame) and turns the distance between them into something that can only be measured by breath.

Then someone up the street shouts - a wordless sound like a dog bark - and Hakkai turns towards the sound and pulls away; all at once they're walking up the street again.

Or wobbling in Gojyo's case. Wobbling, and wondering, and thinking how really, fascinatingly smooth Hakkai's hair looks in the moonlight.

* * *

The chair tipped. A sudden, horrid sense of vertigo washed over Gojyo before he managed to right himself, sending the front legs of the chair to the floor with a thunk.

Hakkai looked up from his book, smiled, but said nothing.

Gojyo had to look away, because that smile had been doing strange things to his guts lately. The window was the only thing in his line of sight. "Snow again."

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Hakkai look up again, lips still curved carefully upwards. Gojyo had spent an unhealthy amount of time in the last week imagining the velvet smooth texture of those lips, the bitter-sweet taste of the welcoming space of the mouth concealed behind them. Against his will, he shivered faintly.

"If you're cold, you can turn up the heat, Gojyo."

"Nah," Gojyo drew a knee up to his chest, rocking his chair back on two legs again, listening to the faint creaking noise it made, "I'm good."

Hakkai nodded and went back to reading. He looked comfortable, sitting cross-legged on the sofa with a blanket around his knees as he paged through a heavily-worn paperback he had picked up somewhere. Gojyo tried not to watch him, tried not to just sit and stare.

Had he spent a lot of time watching Hakkai before? He couldn't clearly remember.

The truth was that it seemed that nothing at all had changed between them. If Gojyo had been able to stop thinking about the moment when Hakkai had nearly kissed him, it would have been as if none of it had happened. In a way, that was comforting; it meant that the act could stay something vaguely unreal, like a dream, and he wouldn't have to deal with it if he didn't want to. Gojyo wasn't sure he was ready to deal with it anyway.

Then again, maybe it hadn't been what he thought. A kiss; who was he kidding? There was no reason for Hakkai to want to do anything like that. He had probably been too drunk, had imagined the whole thing.

Maybe Hakkai had been a little drunk too; if Hakkai could actually _get_ drunk.

Was it possible, Gojyo wondered, to see someone differently without looking at them differently first?

"I thought it was supposed to be spring already."

Hakkai looked up again. He didn't seem annoyed by Gojyo's constant interruptions, just faintly amused, "Well, I suppose Mother Nature had her own ideas about that."

"Yeah," Gojyo snorted, "I guess. I'm just kinda sick of winter already."

Hakkai nodded understandingly, setting down his book and pulling the blankets aside to stretch out his legs; his loose sleeping pants had ridden up in the legs a little, showing the sharp, bare paleness of his ankles. When he stood and stretched to crack his back while he walked to the window, his heavy, hand-knit sweater rose and showed a stripe of flesh at the small of his back and a nub of vertebrae.

Gojyo was sure he definitely should not have noticed that, or wanted so badly to see it again.

"My, it really is coming down, isn't it?"

A thin film of frost had formed on the living room window, right by the sill, and Hakkai absently ran a finger through it as he looked out into the snowy night. "And it was so warm this afternoon...I never would have guessed."

Gojyo rocked his chair forward, putting the front legs back on the floor, and snuffed out his cigarette, "Told ya."

Hakkai turned away from the window, smiling, and wandered into the kitchen, stepping so lightly he made would have made no sound at all if not for the creaky floorboards, "Would you like some tea Gojyo?"

"Beer," Gojyo answered, vaguely wanting another smoke, but not wanting to look like he was chaining on the things. Hakkai didn't like that.

"That's not really a cold weather drink," Hakkai came back with one anyway, and a small teapot for himself, a soft cloud of sweet peppermint scent chasing at his heels. "Would you like to play cards?"

Gojyo went to pop the cap off his beer and realized Hakkai had already done it. The gesture struck him somehow, made his hand curl tight around the bottle until he forced himself to set it down.

"I thought you were reading."

"I was," Hakkai poured himself a cup of tea, wrapped his slender hands carefully around the mug like he was cradling a candle flame, "but I think I'd like a break - cards, or perhaps checkers..."

"Nah - don't worry about entertaining me."

Hakkai looked momentarily perplexed, then shrugged, rose from his chair, teacup in hand, and went back to the couch, sitting with one leg tucked underneath him and his book balanced on his knee.

Gojyo took a breathless draught of his beer and looked out the window, watching stray flakes of snow strike the windowpane. He could hear Hakkai breathing, could smell the peppermint tea and something else he  
was alarmingly sure was the scent of Hakkai's skin. He had to be imagining that one, but he couldn't be sure.

Gojyo knew that life was not as simple as the difference between black and white, like snowflakes in the almost-spring night beyond the glass. He had tried to create a world for himself where the color had drained from everything until Hakkai had tumbled into it, all red and green, lighting everything up in Technicolor so bright it sometimes stung Gojyo's eyes. But at the same time, the sudden realization that Hakkai was...Gojyo wasn't even sure of the words; fucking gorgeous maybe - struck him as unbelievable. He was Sha Gojyo, and he was undeniably straight. Well, there had been that one time with Banri, but that was more a bored and  
_really_ drunk thing and it didn't count. Though it seemed that undeniably-straight-except-for-that-one-time-Sha-Gojyo was undeniably attracted to Cho Hakkai. And it wasn't a drunk and horny thing either; the drunk part had passed quickly enough, but the feeling stayed behind.

So there Gojyo sat, somewhere between the white snow and the black night; between the grey ash and the blue tray; between the yellow of the nicotine-stained walls and the brown of the hardwood floor; between the calloused tan of his palm and the pale smoothness of Hakkai's - locked directly between more possibilities than he had strength to imagine.

Gojyo left the table, crossed the room with heavy, obvious footfalls, and sat on the cool floor, with the length of his arm along the warm stretch of Hakkai's leg. Hakkai's muscles tensed minutely, and Gojyo thought he would move away, but instead he shifted a little closer, setting his teacup on the rickety side table and bringing his hand to rest on the back of Gojyo's neck, rubbing gently.

"So," Gojyo managed, a little hoarse, "That a good book?" When in doubt, Gojyo decided, keep it casual. An _'I'm not touching you, you're certainly not touching me but oh don't stop'_ sort of thing.

Hakkai laughed softly, "Yes Gojyo - but I thought I wasn't meant to be entertaining you."

"You're not."

"Clearly I am," Hakkai's fingers skimmed down the side of Gojyo's neck, sneaking just beneath the collar of his shirt, "since you've been watching me all night like I may be the most interesting thing you've ever seen."

Gojyo pushed to his feet; for a moment, they just looked at each other - each waiting for the other to make a move or speak again, and it was so quiet that Gojyo swore he could hear the snowflakes hitting the glass.

"The floor's cold," Gojyo said finally, biting down on the inside of his lower lip.

Hakkai moved over, making room for him on the couch, even though there was already more than enough. When Gojyo sat, the five inches of space between them seemed like five-hundred years of time. Hakkai went back to reading his book by the faint light of the table lamp until Gojyo reached out and took hold of his wrist. He could feel Hakkai's pulse fluttering hard under his fingertips; the gesture startled Hakkai, causing him to drop his book; his sudden gasp and the dull thud of the book hitting the floor broke the heavy silence.

Finally Gojyo decided that it was simply a matter of winning or losing spectacularly, like when you were playing poker and couldn't read your opponent at all but went all in anyway. He turned sideways, watching Hakkai watching him out of the corner of his eye, expecting Hakkai to say something, or at least ask him what the hell he was doing.

Finally Hakkai turned his head, licked his amazing lips, said, "Go..." and that was when Gojyo kissed him, slipped his tongue past the part of Hakkai's lips and into the heat beyond, pushing Hakkai's sleeve up so he could skim over the warm skin of his arm.

"Gojyo," Hakkai said finally, slightly breathless, but still managing that tone of his that you just couldn't argue with even if you tried.

"Yeah Hakkai?" Gojyo could see the pulse under the smooth, pale skin of his neck, jumping. He licked it. It seemed like the thing to do.

"What are you doing?"

Hakkai sounded amused. Thankfully not offended, and certainly not like he was going to brain Gojyo with his teacup, which was a plus.

"Trying to figure this out."

Hakkai's hand came up, settled on the back of his neck, almost but not quite pulling him in. "Figure what out, exactly?"

"You," Gojyo answered automatically as he straddled Hakkai's thighs. "Why this seems so different of a sudden."

Hakkai's expression became faintly confused, but still not angry. There was even a flicker of something in his eyes that Gojyo couldn't properly identify, but seemed encouraging. "I think you may be complicating things unnecessarily, Gojyo. I'm the same as I always was. Perhaps in more ways than you think."

"Quiet," he answered sharply. "Just let me feel things out okay?"

Hakkai laughed softly and locked his hands across the small of Gojyo's back. "Yes," he hummed softly, settling back into the couch. "Alright, Gojyo."

Gojyo tangled his fingers in the hem of Hakkai's sweater and pulled it up over his head; Hakkai rushed to remove his glasses before they could be lost in the tangle of fabric. There were goose-bumps all over Hakkai's chest and Gojyo smoothed them away with the tips of his fingers. The pale skin was soft, warm underneath Gojyo's palms, stretched tight over the muscles and bones that held his friend together. Gojyo could see the top of the scar winding out above the waistband of Hakkai's pants, and when he allowed his fingers to brush over it, Hakkai shivered but didn't try and stop him. He could feel himself growing hard as he touched Hakkai, and it all seemed surreal, like he was caught up in a dream. He wondered if he had actually dreamed of touching Hakkai that way at some point, dreamed of tracing fingertips over his ribs and rubbing the dusky tips of his nipples with the pads of his thumbs until Hakkai drew a sharp breath - because it was so familiar somehow. Finally, his hands came up to rest on Hakkai's shoulders and stopped there. He licked his lips and pressed his face into Hakkai's neck; he could feel Hakkai's fingers sliding up under his shirt, tracing over his back. He rolled his hips against Hakkai's and felt a low hum of pleasure run up his spine.

"Fuck..." Gojyo's voice cracked as it escaped his throat.

"Hush," Hakkai murmured, stroking Gojyo's hair back with one hand, over and over again, kissing his chin. "Don't worry so much Gojyo."

He wasn't worried. He was horny, and dizzy and amazed by how good it felt to touch Hakkai's skin. But worried?

"I have no idea what I'm doing Hakkai."

Okay, maybe he was worried after all. Gojyo expected Hakkai to be pissed off by that particular comment, but he only smiled and unbuttoned the front of Gojyo's jeans with one hand. "It's really quite simple, Gojyo."

"Prove it."

* * *

The bed needed to be bigger. Gojyo's knee banged the wall as he pulled it back, opening himself wide to the assault of Hakkai's lotion-slick fingers. Hakkai kissed the soft inside of his knee and stroked down his thigh as he twisted three fingers deep inside him, making pleasure spear hard up his spine.

"Ha - Hakkai - fuck..."

"Just relax Gojyo."

Gojyo had no idea how he was supposed to do that, especially with Hakkai's fingers to deep in his ass. He couldn't _breathe_ if he wasn't thinking hard enough about it - and it was hard to think of anything when  
Hakkai curved his fingers, pressing down and making every nerve in Gojyo's body scream.

"Do it." He writhed, bit down on the back of his wrist, though somehow the pain of his teeth made the pleasure between his legs - Hakkai was stroking him now, agonizingly slow and toying with the loose bit of skin just above his balls - even better. "God Hakkai, fuck, please do something..."

He did, which was good, because Gojyo wasn't sure he would have been able to stop begging. As he was, he didn't really - just pulled Hakkai against him and rocked his hips and sobbed. Hakkai's cock felt _huge_, hot and perfect and pulsing deep inside him, stripping his nerves bare.

"Gojyo..." Hakkai was panting, but almost laughing too; with the pleasure of it, Gojyo hoped, and not at his wild enthusiasm, his desperate need. "Gojyo..."

If he had something more important to say, he never got to it. That was all he ever said, repeating it with each thrust and groaning it as he came.

* * *

"Where did you learn to do that?" Gojyo ventured afterwards. It had stopped snowing, and a good inch of white powder had collected on the windowsill next to the bed.

"Tools of a misspent youth?" Hakkai suggested with a wry smile.

"Bullshit," Gojyo laughed. "You spent your youth in a fucking orphanage run by _nuns_, man."

"Exactly."

Gojyo's stomach flipped. There was something just bizarrely hot about that. He tossed his cigarette into the ashtray at the side of the bed then lifted the blankets just enough to roll over and pull Hakkai underneath his body, kissing the side of his neck and up his jaw.

"C'mere you. I've got a hell of a lot to figure out yet, and you're gonna teach me."

-End-


End file.
